Once Upon a Time…

My brothers left for Dayton Valley today and it’s kinda weird being home alone for so long.
I mean, they’ve only just left but it’s just me, the TV and my laptop now. And the neighbours
rabid dog but I mean that’s an entirely different story… Anyways, so their gone and I thought
I would be all stupendiously relieved but it’s a little bit of a downer, you know? People are
always like “Oh, wow, you only have two brothers - to deal with on your own?” Yeah, yeah
I do and quite frankly I think I’m the luckiest girl alive. My brothers are close to me in age
and they pretty much kick ass, no matter how annoying they can get. Honestly, whoever
doesn’t have two brothers is missing out. I would trade all the sisters in the world for
my two brothers cuz they’re just that much cooler. With sisters it’s all “oh, I wanna wear
this can I borrow that lets share this!!!” GOSH. But with brothers it’s like “let’s go play
video games and soccer and volleyball and football” and I’m like “hell yeah let’s go do it!”
So, in the end, no matter what people think, having two brothers is the best. They kick
ass and their the best siblings I could ask for.

ps- we’re A LOT better looking then this picture. It’s surprising
how good looking we each are. (fuck you I’m telling the truth)

This is me.

This is Salman.

This is Enaan.

I don’t understand what it is that makes people be racist against another. Okay, I’ll admit
it…compared to most Pakistani people I have lighter skin, most people even mistake me
as being Spanish instead of Pakistani! And I wear jeans and t-shirts and I have bangs like
all the other girls do and I can speak English. Usually, though, when some ignorant and
extremely immature people see me I can hear their whispers of “Terrorist…terrorist…” and
points at me, and my friend who wears a scard around her neck. Still, whatever, no biggie;
I look back at them and say, “Yeah I’m a terrorist, you got a problem with it? I’m two
months short of graduation!” Look I’m totally kidding but I might as well play along if
they’re accusing me of it, right? I have no problem with it. If they want to be assholes
to me then two can play at that game.

But those are just people here and there, people that I won’t see ever again. What am I
supposed to do when the racist is my teacher? Then what? Currently, my English teacher
is making my life hell. I have four other “brown” friends in my English class. I noticed,
and I’m ashamed to say it only just dawned on me, that she put four of us brown kids
together in the back of the room and when my other brown friend came to sit with me
my teacher did nothing about it, though usually when people change seats she gets
really angry. But it didn’t bother her. Maybe I’m assuming things, jumping to conclusions
but my English teacher is always targetting me; and it’s only just started. No other teacher
of my two years of high school has ever given me a hard time about anything. She’s
the first to start butting heads with me. And for what? The fact that I can speak
a language other then English and French? That I call my god “Allah” and not “God”?
Some people…are just so ignorant it’s pathetic. And it makes me sick that they can’t
grow up and get over themselves.

look at her. look at the fat girl rumbling into class. she might not be particulary clumsy
and she might have some labelled clothes but, oh, but look at her. she’s just so big it’s
disgusting. look at her arms and legs and will you just look at her thighs? so disgusting,
so, so disgusting. it’s a wonder why she doesn’t smile she’s as big as a house! and no
wonder the boy she feels crazy around doesn’t give much of a shit - her flab is falling
everywhere! oh my god look at her. look at the fat girl. it’s sad, really, that she’s so stupid
and ugly and fat at the same time. look we all share clothes and stuff and we’d like to
share with her but for god’s sake she’s so fat we can’t do anything about it. god how
did she get so big? it’s so gross just look at her look at all that flab, all that nastyness
and how her shirts and hoodies and jeans look like shit on her. she tries to fit in
but she’s so goddamn fat how can she ever?
look at her.

- Management.

I went to Centre Stage today and, wow, it was absoloutely amazing. The dancers
were so damn talented! It was intense. I kinda wish I danced. I love doing it but
my parents won’t let me for obvious religious reasons [I ended up being born a
Muslim...]. But yeah it was awesome and I loved it and in the end five of my friends
skipped last period to watch the final show. The actual thing is happening later
today but unfortunatley I don’t have a ride to go see it =/
In other news, I saw him and I was going to ask him to come see it with me but I
didn’t. It’s almost like he averts his gaze when he see’s me. What am I supposed
to do then? And if I had asked him then my friends would have looked at me weirdly.
It’s finally the weekend, I kick back and chillax and wait until Monday when I’ll see
him again and maybe try to talk to him. I just wanna know what’s going on but I
lose all my confidence around him, he makes me laugh to no end though. Oh and
my dilemma from yesterday was solved: I found something wicked instead of cute
to wear today. I am eating a watermelon.
<3

I told myself I would never blog about something incredibly stupid and/or realistic.
That would mean I wouldn’t blog about boys. But…here it comes, the epitome of
every teenage girl’s high school life… TheA. Boy. So he’s kinda driving me crazy…
and we talk, we walk together, we’re in two of the same classes and he’s ALWAYS in
my head. But the thing is…whenever I start talking to him, I either say the stupidest
things ever, or I act retarded because I kinda wanna impress him. And I don’t like
straightening my hair because it kills it but lately I’ve been doing that as well, just
so he might like it! I mean I know I practically don’t stand a chance but sometimes
he seems interested and other times he doesn’t. See, he’s driving me absoloutely
insane. I wanted to ask him to go to Center Stage with me [a dance work] but I
couldn’t get up the nerves and when I thought about asking him I just bolted out of
the classroom and left him behind before I could do anything. Center Stage is tomorrow
and I didn’t ask him and now I’m going to regret it all night. And it’s not like he’s one of
those “OMG-To-Die-For!!! HOTTIE!” naw…he’s funny and he likes shakespeare and he
enjoys reading romantic novels - WTF?! But anyways, since Wednesday I’ve been planning
to ask him to go to Center Stage with me, always rehearsing what I would say to him.
And when the time comes I don’t ask. Wow this is a long blog entry. He doesn’t give me
butterflies [kinda not really] and he’s not hot, sexy, beautiful or anything. He’s kinda cute,
specially when he laughs…and…it KILLS me that I say the stupidest things around him! So
I straightened my hair and now tomorrow I have to pick something cute to wear. The
problem is…I don’t own “cute” stuff I wouldn’t say I’m exactly a “cute” girl. Anyways, my feet
smell like nacho’s [@.@] from excessive flat-wear and not to mention I have to pee.
Maybe I’ll ask him, I probably won’t, and I’ll be depressed about it for the entire year cuz
school is almost over and this is pro’lly my last shot.

So this is how it goes: I love to draw. Okay, I’m going to be modest, I’m not the BEST
artist out there and, yeah, there are a million people who are a million times better
then me but it’s not like that’s going to stop me from doing what I like - that would
be fucking ridiculous. But anyways, back to the main theme: so I love drawing. And
as much as I hate to admit it, I like and strongly dislike my cousins as well. So one
night I incorportated everything! Anyways, this is the picture I drew of me, my two
brothers, and cousins.

I hate the feeling of being left out. Like when someone you know talks to you and is fine with you but then the next thing you know, they’re better friends with people who didn’t even like them. And they’re all making plans to get their nails done…or to hang out and go to the movies. It just makes you feel bad, you know, because you’ve been friends with them longer and talk to them just as much but they insist on showing you how much you’re worth and that’s apparently nothing much to them. “Friends” are so weird. Why do they have to ruin everything but make it alright at the same time, right? Maybe people just dont like me…maybe I’m just not a likeable person because, I dunno, I complain to much? But what the hell do they want from me? Should I change myself completely and be someone I hardly know? I think that’s the only way you get things in life nowadays, destroy who you are and bend to they’re liking, then you’ll be accepted.

Lately I’ve been dreaming about my old house, a town house in the nice part of town. In every dream, after something happens, I end up there. It’s always the same: nighttime, cool and airy. For some reason whenever I go in it’s oddly peaceful and quiet and really calm. I remember when we found out we were getting out of the house my brothers and I were really, unbelievably happy. Now I sort of miss it. The dreams lead me back to there. The latest dream that I had was me and this boy I know walking by it in the summer, with the sun up and a nice river nearby (although there was no river in the town-house  community). He asked me about the house and I said “this is my…” and I was about to say “this is my house” but I changed it last minute and said it was nothing. We continued on our way.

We are moving soon, from the house we live in now, probably at the end of the month. Maybe it’s possible that I keep dreaming about my old house because when we moved from it, it was summer and it’s almost summer now. Maybe I keep reliving the old move. Whatever it is, my dreams are causing me to miss my old house…I wonder if it’s a sign, if the dreams are pointing to my old house for some reason?

she went from an elementary where life was carefree and looks and
popularity didn’t matter much. and growing up they realized she needed to be
hidden from prying eyes so off to a junior high with jail-cell walls she was
sent. until she understood it was her place to reign and the friends she
made were sort of priceless but if the world was perfect then nothing would
be, so her world couldn’t be set free. again her fate was decided not by her
but by the angry gods jealous of a creation so fine; plucked from her safety
she was sent to earth in the form of high school where everyday was a
fashion show and it took a while for her to know that not all that glitters is
seemingly gold. life gets by, she’s still alive, and now you’ll see she’ll strive
and even soart through your murky skies.

why must all good things come to an end?

Ps- this is my original work